It Doesn’t Need to be Perfect

A common “meltdown” time for me is the hour before the ______________ fill in the blank. It could be my daughter’s birthday party, company for dinner, or anyone coming to stay.

The day generally starts out fine. I have my list. I have the allotted amount of time for each item written next to it. But somehow it often takes longer than I think it will. As the deadline gets closer, I start going into scarcity mode. I start shouting instructions at my family and getting more stressed when they don’t seem to be urgent enough in completing their given tasks.

I am doing better with this now. I hope my family would agree. I am realizing that people can come to my house even if I haven’t vacuumed. People can enjoy the party even if I haven’t dusted. No one will die from this. Including me.

I have learned that my panicky feelings come from panicky thoughts. And panicky thoughts are optional.

I am learning to let go of them. Learning to adjust my thinking has been a little vulnerable for me. For many years I have believed it should “appear” that the bathrooms are always clean, the sheets are always washed and waiting for guests. Letting go of that has been a very healthy thing for me. I try to be ready for my guests, but sometimes they help me put the clean sheets on. I feel okay about that. It’s a more accurate view of my life.

I remember going to stay with the friend once. She picked me up from the airport in her minivan. When the door to the backseat opened I was so happy to see that there were cold French fries on the floor. My first thought was, “Oh good, this looks like my car.” I was so glad it wasn’t perfect.

Allowing myself to be more human instead of trying to appear “super human” has helped me be kinder, more present and, I think, ultimately a better host.

Learn to love being a mom to your adult kids!

I’ll share the number one struggle my clients face as they navigate parenting their emerging adults and the secret to solving it.

Share this post

Brooke Oniki Avatar
Hi, I’m Brooke Oniki!

I’m a mother of four, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and a Certified Life Coach. I help my clients feel confident in their parenting, capable in their decision making, and empowered to make healthy choices in their relationships.

Enter your name and email to access your free video!

Please read my privacy policy to see I take your privacy seriously.